All is well.
Life passes by too quickly. I can’t believe that I’ve been in Italy 2 weeks and I’m almost heading back to the U.S. I’m not hating the idea of returning home as I though I would. Actually, I’m looking forward to seeing my family and starting my life in a new city with a new position. What I am dreading is the feeling of quickness and velocity of the West. Here in Italy I wake up at 9am, take a short nap and do many things or nothing at all —and time passes so slowly. It seems I have more time to enjoy life; though technically not true, it feels that way. I’m dreading losing my morning runs by the vineyards and corn fields, the blue sky that radiates through my bedroom window, and the strong Italian coffee which smells delicious. I don’t want to lose those pleasurable afternoons sitting in the gallery, reading under the fresh air and being illuminated by the sun. Truthfully, I want to stay and at the same time I want to leave. I want to live this adventure of exploring new foods, practicing a language, meeting new people, enjoying new places. I want to stay because it feels good to let go, to be free, to not worry. Mi piace (it is pleasing to me) to enjoy dull afternoons reading Paulo Coelho and listening to Italian sonnets. I want to stay because it is beautiful here, because I can escape my boring life for a while. Yet, I want to leave. I want to leave because I’ve been inspired to change that “boring” life, inspired to take risks, to do the things I want regardless of my limitations. Life is such that we want to remain in those pleasurable and adventurous moments, we don’t want to go back to “reality”, to our old lives. But the beauty of travel, of exploration, is that it has the power to transform that reality. Joyful moments are simply that: moments. We, I, must learn to guard that joy, that good feeling, and release into our busy and dull lives so that we may live with purpose, with joy.
All is well.
I’ve worked through my post-Rome flare by enjoying rest, by enjoying exactly what I’ll miss. All is well because this trip has helped me find something that I needed for a long time, some abstract and relative thing…At first I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, I’m still not so sure but I did find something. That something seems to be a type of inner strength or better yet, desire. Italy has awakened an inner desire to surpass the obstacles that I have placed on myself, and those that others have placed on me. Italia is the omen which the old king told Santiago about in The Alchemist:
“God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you”
Italia became a sort of wake up call filled with faith, love and inspiration. It has been God’s way of awakening me to be better, to chase my dreams. I must admit there is a sense of fear in this experience. There is a fear of the unknown, of venturing alone in this new path, job, relationship. Yet, I am excited! When I was younger I always thought I would be dependent; I didn’t think it was possible for me to achieve anything, to have a job, meet knew people, or love. But as time has passed and I’ve had those momentary lapses of thoughtfulness, I’ve realized that everything is a phase which helps you flourish into the next. I am excited because though I’m afraid, that fear means that something new is coming, something I haven’t experienced before.
I must say that all is well because it can always get better, it can never get worse. Situations might feel like they are getting worse but what matters is not the battle but the soldier. Today as I sat and read, prayed, and pondered on my travels, family and relationships I was grateful for the innumerable moments in which I’ve encountered trials. I was grateful for coming out alive, grateful for being able to feel, smell, touch, and experience the good and the bad. I am grateful because I am living life, all of it! Sometimes it will be difficult, and I will probably complain and feel like things won’t change (I’m only human). But I have the hope that He who inspired me and gave me the strength to come through a situation, He will do it again. Remember, i’s not over until it’s over.